Wise words from the band Magazine in their song “About the Weather” however I wonder how many of us get stuck on the weather and how it affects our mood.
As the summer solstice fast approaches here in the northern hemisphere, it is fair to say that the weather hasn’t reflected this much so far. Certainly here in Ireland autumnal coats and hats are still in fashion and retail shops will soon be selling off their unwanted summer stock.
However let’s put things into perspective worrying about the weather is pointless for several reasons:
Uncontrollable Nature: The weather is a natural phenomenon that cannot be controlled by individuals. Worrying about something you have no control over is generally unproductive.
Forecast Accuracy: Modern weather forecasting is relatively accurate, and being prepared based on forecasts is more practical than worrying.
Inevitability: Weather will happen regardless of concern. Accepting and adapting to it is more beneficial than stressing over it.
Emotional Impact: Worrying can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety, which can affect mental health negatively.
Focus on Action: Instead of worrying, it’s more useful to focus on actions you can take, like dressing appropriately, planning indoor activities, or rescheduling events.
In essence, while it’s important to be aware and prepared for the weather, worrying about it doesn’t offer any practical benefits.
So let the weather be and focus on what you can deal with, your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Remember the sun always shines even behind the clouds.
I am sometimes asked if a fear of heights (acrophobia) and a fear of flying (aviophobia or aerophobia) are connected as I have came across many people happy to get on an aeroplane to cross an ocean yet can’t climb a ladder to clean a window and vice versa.
Like most phobias the psychological and physical responses are the same such as:
• increased heart rate, sweating, dizziness, and panic attacks.
• negative thinking patterns and previous experiences, can influence both fears.
However the triggers are different :
• Acrophobia: This fear is triggered by situations where an individual is at a high elevation and can see the drop, such as being on a tall building, a ladder, or a cliff. The fear is often related to the potential for falling(basiphobia)
• Aviophobia: This fear is specifically related to the act of flying in an airplane. It can be triggered by various aspects of flying, such as takeoff, turbulence, or the confined space of an aircraft, and may include fears of crashing or lack of control.
Yet there are overlaps and differences:
• People with acrophobia may also experience fear when flying because airplanes are high above the ground. The thought of being high up can trigger anxiety even if the context is different.
• However, not all people with acrophobia have a fear of flying. Some might feel safe within the enclosed environment of an airplane, where they do not perceive the height in the same way as being on an open structure.
• Conversely, some people with a fear of flying do not have a fear of heights. Their fear may be more related to the specifics of being in an aircraft, such as claustrophobia, turbulence, or the inability to escape the situation easily.
Thus , while there is a potential connection between a fear of heights and a fear of flying, they are distinct phobias with different triggers and may or may not co-occur in the same individual. Yet other phobias such as basiphobia and claustrophobia may be more connected and play a part in the fear triggers and responses.
Hypnotherapy is a powerful proven therapeutic method for dealing with the emotional responses to these fears and phobias and can easily be applied to anyone who wants to get on with their lives. Perhaps visiting people in far away places or getting on the rollercoaster rides with the kids.
You see you don’t have to succumb to your fears and phobias and miss out on the pleasures in life.
There is always a choice, a choice to live your life on your terms and seize the opportunities that fear can rob you from.
These were the words of someone I knew suffering from Musophobia, the fear of mice.
Now the mouse in question was not a real mouse , l think we all would have a reasonable expectation to be scared if it was. Like something that has escaped from a laboratory experiment that has gone terribly wrong.
No, this was a teacher dressed up as the dormouse in their child’s school production of :Alice in Wonderland.
Nonetheless the fear still existed as did the symptoms such as sweating, trembling, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, and nausea.
The production was fast approaching and they were desperate to attend and not to miss their child’s performance.
So we got down to work, using the powers of hypnotic imagination and concentration in a relaxed state. Utilising powerful suggestion and imagery to address the underlying fears and anxieties associated with mice ( of any shape or size).
I have to admit it was touch and go as the deadline grew closer but before the curtain was raised they occupied their seat to be part of a performance of a lifetime ( and the show wasn’t too bad either, although the dormouse did seem to sleep through most of the show…)
You see you don’t have to succumb to your fears and phobias and miss out on the pleasures in life.
There is always a choice, a choice to live your life on your terms and seize the opportunities that fear can rob you from.
A big thank you to CHI Temple Street for facilitating my Fast Fix Fears and Phobias workshop today. Super condensed version but still produced great results. I really want to congratulate the participants for taking the brave step to face their fears/ phobias and for the effort they put in today. Wishing them all well on continuing the progress they made today.
Read and reread this fantastic poem until you realise what fear really is.
It is said that before entering the sea a river trembles with fear.
She looks back at the path she has traveled, from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding road crossing forests and villages.
And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.
But there is no other way. The river can not go back.
Nobody can go back. To go back is impossible in existence.
The river needs to take the risk of entering the ocean because only then will fear disappear, because that’s where the river will know it’s not about disappearing into the ocean, but of becoming the ocean.
An interesting portmanteau for hangover and anxiety. Growing up I would known this as “the fear”. An interesting article which for me highlights the need to go with your anxiety, listen to what it is telling you, there is much truth in the old Latin saying,”In vino veritas”. We can learn lessons from anything and anyone and this might be another way to really focus in what your mind and body are telling you. However remember to enjoy yourself as time does march on , as always it’s a question of balance and if you do find yourself in that Sunday morning state of “hang-xiety” , take your “go to” cure (mine was Irn Bru, for those unfamiliar with this drink you are missing a trick) and sit down and listen to yourself as school is in for an unfiltered session on what’s going on in your life.
A little gift from a former client which was very nice of them. It came with a little note stating that I had helped her stay afloat.
I think it’s not always clear cut on how we need to approach problems and indeed solutions as there may be a third way which is available if only we take the time to appreciate it.
She didn’t want to give up by sinking nor swim away but just staying afloat was enough to keep her head in the right place.
The note concluded with , “It’s been a pleasure”. My sentiments exactly.
Remember we all must die. I’m in my 50s and here I am just listening to some old records(vinyl to those too young to know what a record is) after talking to old friends in the modern communication via Zoom. We are middle aged and beyond, yet I don’t see who we are now but the children we were. To close my eyes, just to listen and it takes me back. Not men, not fathers, not husbands, but just us.
As a student of the social sciences many years ago I discarded the views of ageing as it was put to me then. For youth would of course never die, or at least , have an appreciation of an end. But then those held dear, close, go, gone. It hurts. Perhaps only for a short time and we move on. Youth remains strong. But not forever.
We never can be sure when it happens, when the first cut of age takes it’s quota- a wrinkle, an ache, thoughts of the past more prominent than the future, who can be sure other than to know it just happened beyond our control. Then what?
Do we continue down the path we’ll worn by those who came before us or challenge ourselves to greater glories or wait, just wait for something, anything to change our course?
I come across far too many people who dream and hope that things will improve but like the ancient Romans are willing to leave their fates to the Gods of fortune( Fortuna spinning her wheel of fortune).
This alarms me as I see an abundance of talent and potential just dreaming or wasting their lives away not realising everyone including you has something to offer through being alive.
Sure if you’re content with your life and don’t feel the need to do anything differently, then that’s fine, it’s your choice. You probably don’t need to continue reading but for those who don’t feel that way then please stay with me.
In the long run we are all dead.
John Maynard Keynes
I’m not going to preach, that’s not what’s this is about. I just want you to understand, no mortal being lives forever, not you, not me , not the generations past or indeed yet to come.
We all have to start somewhere, no matter your current age or circumstances, if you want to change where you are then do it and do it now.
Remember:
Dreams and hopes don’t come true without action
Waiting doesn’t change anything or get things done
Memento Mori (we all must die) make it a life worth living
Paradoxically both positions can be seen as correct. However it is not that your anxiety defines you, it is your belief that it defines you is the correct position.
Of course anxiety can have an overwhelming command over how you live your life, but it can only do so with your permission.
For anxiety is the sum of all the negative self beliefs and negative thoughts constantly repeated into forming a self deprecating cycle which like a hamster running on it’s wheel, you never seem to be able to get anywhere.
But remember anxiety is there to protect you from harm, it’s your biological defence mechanism, to initiate the “fight or flight” response to keep you safe.
Although when you are constantly running on the wheel to nowhere, it’s then your health deteriorates, your body gets tired and your decision making becomes obstructed by the constant barrage of competing thoughts and feelings.
So what can you do?
1. Start by recognising that it’s yourbeliefs that define your anxiety not the anxiety itself.
2. Get a medical check up to ensure that there are no other underlying physical ailments
3. Get a therapist that specialises in dealing with anxiety
Remember no matter whether you believe you can or can’t – you are right.
As I write this I know I am physically present, typing away, my focus on the next word to magic itself onto the page and if my mind wanders, as it is free to do, I know that’s okay. I say that to myself and bring my thoughts back to the present by consciously focusing on my breath and squeezing my thumb and index finger together committing my mind to the conscious physical present.
Sure I know my thoughts mean me well, remnants of past failures and glories but I also know that: No cognitive thought-No emotional feeling- No physical behaviour can undo the outcome of a past event.
Also our future dreams and wishes are but that- dreams and wishes. Sure we need to plan for our future, I agree that is a good thing, but we plan in the present, setting goals that our present thoughts, feelings and behaviours can work together to make them become a reality.
Remember that regrets and guilt of the past and fear of the future only rob us of the present moment, which is the only time where we can truly influence and change ourselves and the environment around us.
So let us all stay present understanding our history and looking forward to our future.
Feel free to contact me for any further information.
I come from a social psychology background and find how we act within and outside groups fascinating. This article highlights the challenges we as individuals face when presented with a crisis. We are currently knee deep, waist deep or up to our necks in it , depending where you live within our global village, in a pandemic that is asking us to confront our thoughts and behaviours.
So please read the article, give it a like , share it freely and ask yourself if you are going to rebel or conform?
”You’re far too close, stand back from each other, six feet people , two metres. I’m being serious, this is serious, very serious.”
It’s the reception area in a part of a Dublin hospital, small groups of health care staff are busy doing their jobs as they would every day, but the words stop people in their tracks. The words hit home, the mood changes, anxiety rises, just in case we weren’t aware- social distancing is a new reality.
The consultant doctor, whose words are above, is a respected, calm, erudite senior member of this team. He doesn’t scare easily, this is not his first rodeo, so just in case anyone was in any doubt, the corona virus Covid-19 , is not to be discarded as a bad cold or flu, his team is down 50% and the surge hasn’t arrived in Ireland yet. If they are anxious about social distancing then we all should be mindful of social distancing.
The words resonate with my experience , I travel to the hospital by public transport, the bus is usually packed, standing room only. But not at the moment, 100,000’s have been laid off work or working from home, caring for children who’s schools or crèches are closed. The bus is sparsely filled people observing seat distancing, trying not to get too close. It’s eerily quiet, the usual multilingual chattering has gone, transferred to internet chat rooms.
But not everyone has switched onto the need for social distancing, a young man sat behind me on the bus the other morning, more concerned with his mobile phone than being aware of the seat distancing all us other commuters were observing, not through any conscious pact on our parts or bus company policy , moreover just through common sensibilities about the current situation we all find ourselves in.
I chose to get up and get off the bus, I had a few choice words with the youngster, he didn’t care, I cannot be responsible for other people’s thoughts and actions, only my own.
Walking around the city brings it’s own anxiety, I see too many people grouped together, sitting far too close (6 feet guys, 2 metres please), walking two or three abreast. This raises my own anxieties, I have to cross over roads to avoid groups, stopping in doorways, turning my back to allow others to pass by. As an anxiety management therapist I know the damaging effects of constant anxiety- https://anxietyclinicdublin.com/anxiety-test-results/
I’m fortunate enough to be able to regulate my own anxieties, but just like the corona virus Covid-19 , I don’t have immunity from them, but I have solutions such as conscious breathing and mindfulness. Likewise we have solutions to contain the corona virus Covid-1, hand and general hygiene, avoid unnecessary contact and SOCIAL DISTANCING.
I’m now doing more work over the internet via Zoom and VSee, it’s not quite like the real one to one or group settings I prefer but it’s our current reality. A reality that might change the way we think about how we work and live and what type of societies we want both locally and globally. But that’s for another post.
So let’s be conscious of our actions and the impact they have on others, we can all ease our anxiety by slowing down and listen to sensible advice. I know I have: “…I’m being serious, this is serious, very serious.”
In these curious times happiness can mean so many different things to different people and words cannot truly describe what it is, for it is a feeling, a unique feeling within us that hopefully we have all experienced, even for the briefest of moments.
So even when happiness seems short on supply, grasp and savour the depth of its existence when it comes your way.
For it is yours to experience any way you like.
So when it comes your way , let it in, or if it’s not for you, please share it with someone who might just need it.
You may have heard this story before but indulge me as it’s important and relevant to all our lives. I have a copy of this on my office wall. Only through our own actions will we change our lives:
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.
What’s the most common route to dealing with your anxiety?
GP?
Medication?
Counselling?
CBT?
Sometimes these interventions work which is great as you will not need to wait to see me however more often and not these don’t work. I know this as this is the route many people take before contacting me.
But that’s okay as you are now taking action and just because these interventions didn’t work this has nothing to do with my therapy.
Ask yourself this this question. How is my anxiety going to go away?
Seriously ask yourself, do you expect the things that didn’t work before to somehow work now?
Really focus on this as you now have a choice:
A: Continue doing what you are doing and hope for the best
OR
B: Contact me
We all need a plan B so if you have anxiety
contact me and I’ll show you how to retrain your mind so that can take control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
However only contact me if you really want to smash your anxiety and live the life you deserve.
One of the most common signs of anxiety is self consciousness. It’s not unusual for people to think that others are talking about them or feel negatively towards them.This “what will people think” mindset causes much anxiety.
Am I self conscious?
This can Result in paranoia and is almost certainly only “in the mind” of the person who experiences it. The idea that they are in the forefront of someone else’s mind is simply not true. In the same way we are in our own little bubble thinking about ourselves, they are doing the same. We are not in other people’s thinking as much as we like to think.
When you are anxious you look for clues to validate your belief that people are secretly talking about you behind your back or thinking bad about you. You become a “mind reader” where you actually think you know what other people are thinking about you. In reality people aren’t walking around thinking about you.
Tips on how to stop feeling self conscious
It’s funny when you mind read though, you never think that they think anything nice about you! It’s always negative. Yet if you really could read minds you would be rich, you’d be on TV you’d be a celebrity. Are you any of these things? No. So you can’t read minds so it’s just paranoid thinking then.
So whenever you try to “read people’s minds” there’s usually only 1 outcome. You will think something negative. It’s rare you will ever think “they think I’m great”. Let’s face it not everyone will like us in life. Do you like everyone you meet? No. If people like us that’s great if they don’t well that’s their loss.This is key to how to stop feeling self conscious.
Please absorb this!
You weren’t put here to please people, if they don’t like your personality it’s fine. You don’t like everyone’s personality either. It works both ways. Some people will like you some won’t. It’s the way it’s always been. So when you accept this it creates peace. It gives you closure. You stop bending your personality to try to please people. They aren’t bending to please you. All you do is lose yourself when you try to please everyone.
It’s time to take back control of your thoughts and feelings.
If you need one to one help to combat the above you can call me on:
Anxiety Clinic Dublin 